More Things Not To Do Today

1. Create the illusion of ignorance.
2. Smoke a carrot.
3. Tell a man wearing camouflage that I see him.
4. Clean my ears with an icepick.
5. Ask my boss' wife if she has gained weight.
6. Have my nose enlarged.
7. Pick an outfit in which to dress down.
8. Jiggle the handle.
9. Begin saving navel lint for a throw pillow.
10. Say, "No problem," whenever someone thanks me.