Things I Do Not Plan To Do Today

Here are several things I do not plan to do today.

1. Change my cell phone's ringtone to "Urrraagghhh.....Urrraagghhh!"
2. Tell my wife's boss she has nice ta ta's and would look good in a thong.
3. Drag race a cop.
4. Scratch my back with a toilet bowl brush.
5. Drive to work in the suicide lane.
6. Wear speedos backward...in fact, even wear speedos.
7. Cool down after exercising, and pick my toenails.