Unpopular Humorous Greeting Cards

I saw you across a crowded room...
and was glad we had no chance to meet.
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Birthdays are for loosers.
Happy Birthday to you!
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I heard you were sick.
Thank goodness something finally took you out of circulation.
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When you asked us if you could join us,
I wondered if we were coming apart.
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So you got a new job.
I hope you can finally keep this one.
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Sorry to hear about your loss.
Three pounds is not that much.
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So you broke up with your significant other.
That was real smart. Who will have you now?